My dad always likes to tell the story about how once when he was on a family road trip, his brother threw his favorite blanket out the window as the car zoomed down the highway. He claims that the event scarred him for life. Though my dad always exaggerates the effects of losing his blanket, many people have had same strong connection about their first blanket or another favorite object. I feel this way about the teddy bear that I have had since I was a child. My not so creatively named bear, Teddy, has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.
I received my teddy bear under very unusual circumstances. A few years before my older sister was born, my mom had been a teacher’s aide at a school for children with developmental disabilities. Through her job, my mom made friends with many of the parents. One woman, Peggy, was exceptionally friendly and she and my mom became fast friends. Peggy’s daughter, Lauren, lived life in a wheelchair and almost without the ability to speak. Lauren had a teddy bear that was her best friend. Peggy would use the bear as a way to reach out to her daughter who otherwise would not have been able to communicate. Lauren died during Christmas of 1991. My mom had been so close to Lauren and Peggy that a few months later when my sister was born, named my sister Jennifer Lauren. About a year later, I was born, and as a gift to welcome me into the world, Peggy gave me the teddy bear that had belonged to Lauren. I wouldn’t realize the significance of the bear until much later, but even without knowing his backstory, wherever I went, Teddy came with.
As I have grown older, Teddy has been with me every step of the way. Teddy was there when I wanted someone to read to when both of my parents were busy. Teddy was there after one of my teachers told me that I wasn’t as smart as I thought I was. Teddy was there for me through the lice scare of fourth grade, when every kid, including me, started having itchy scalps. My parents did the right thing by washing all of my stuffed animals, but sadly for Teddy, he came out of the dryer a little worse for the wear. His nose had completely fallen off, which is why today he has a little red thread through his nose where my dad sewed it back on. Teddy looks like he has grown up with me. He has some scars from the wear and tear of the years and his eyes look a lot older now than they did when I was little, and I think it is because, like me, he has experienced so much.
Along with growing up with me, Teddy has come with me everywhere. My bear is a traveler, an explorer of the great unknown. When I first started to read, he came with me to the lands in The Magic Tree House books. He zoomed through a galaxy far, far, away in the Millennium Falcon when I first watched Star Wars. He had tea with Mr. Thomas when I read The Chronicles of Narnia. He has also been to nonfictional places including Disney World, San Francisco, Canada, and notably Germany. Teddy flew in my carry on from Chicago to Frankfurt this past summer. He did not enjoy the whining babies or the angry woman in Frankfurt that searched my bag, so when we got to Alzey where we were staying, he and I were both ready to rest. For three weeks, Teddy slept with me on the low-to-the-floor mattress that was in my host family’s spare room. He came with me when we spent the night in Cologne and he rode in my backpack one of the nights that my host sister, Steffi, and I walked through Mainz. Whenever I was homesick, I would go into the spare bedroom and hug my bear, remembering that I would be home in only a few weeks. I am sure that if my teddy bear could talk, I am certain that he would know at least some German because he was there while Steffi and I talked.
With all the conversations with my friends that Teddy has been a part of, it is almost as if he is as real as they are. Teddy has been a friend to both me, and other people that have entered my life. Teddy was a comforter for my friend Chyenne when she realized that she would have to move. He was an actor for my friend Anna who decided to explain the brilliance of Nicholas Cage to me with my stuffed animals. He was a plaything for Breanna, a little girl that my sister babysits. He has also been a friend to all of the other stuffed animals that have lived on my bed. At home, Teddy and Autumn, my first build-a-bear, were both ways to remember days when I was younger. Here at Eastern, my stuffed rabbit Lady Macbeth that I received as a graduation present, sits with Teddy on my bed. They remind me that even though I am getting older, I can still be optimistic, curious, and excited about life as most children are.
One of the most important things about my teddy bear is that he has helped me through my medical issues. When I was very young I was legally blind and had crossed eyes. The day that I went in to get reconstructive surgery on my eyes, my parents promised me that I would be okay. And despite my initial fears, I was brought out of the operating room safe and sound. Teddy was waiting for me when I got home, ready to be cuddled in case I was scared or in pain. I remember lying down on the couch where he sat among the balloons that my parents had bought and wrapping my arms around him. I did the same when I went to get an Electroencephalography (EEG) to make sure that I did not have epilepsy like my mom. Teddy stayed by my side the whole time. I was tired and confused, but I felt safe because of Teddy. Luckily for me, Teddy channeled his good energy to me, and I got an all clear from the doctor.
Along with being my lucky charm, Teddy has been the one who was with me through the toughest of times. When I was young, Teddy was with me when, after a visit to the ice cream shop with my grandparents, I came home to find an ambulance outside of my house and my mom being carried out on a stretcher. I had no idea what was wrong; all I knew was that my mom was being taken away from me. For the next few weeks, when I went to the hospital to visit my mom, I brought Teddy. When my mom was not home to tuck me in, Teddy would be there for me to hold and for protection. When she came back home, it was Teddy that I clung onto every morning when I hid from my dad because I was convinced that if I went to school and left my mom at home alone she would go back to the hospital again. A few years later, when I was old enough to understand what was going on with my mom, she was sent to the hospital again. My dad sat me down and told me that the reason why my mom got so sick was because she had epilepsy and a mild form of schizophrenia. Teddy was with me during this revelation and he helped me come to terms with the fact that my mother will never be considered “normal.” He taught me that it is good to hold on to hope, even when it looks like there is none. He helped me to be a big girl, or at least that’s what I was telling myself at the time, but really he was simply an object of normalcy when everything around me was changing.
Although Teddy has been through so much with me, and gone on so many adventures, the most interesting thing about him is where he is from. When he was first bought Teddy was a way for Peggy and Lauren to communicate without words. When he was given to me, he became a symbol of stability, and a way for me to have my mother with me even during times when she wasn’t. He has taught me how to learn from my mother’s illness, just as Peggy learned from Lauren’s. Because of Teddy, I am a better daughter, and ultimately a better person.
I couldn’t imagine living my life without Teddy. He brings a sense of youth everywhere I bring him. He and Lady Macbeth provide a sharp contrast to the politics-related posters that I have on my walls. Even if they are childish, my stuffed animals are my transports back home. I love both of them, but Teddy has my heart. Teddy reminds me of my childhood. He has supported me through bad times and celebrated with me in good times. He is a helper, a healer, a traveler, and a friend. Teddy is the reason I can sleep virtually anywhere as long as he is in my arms. He is the only thing in my life that has constantly been there, no matter where I go. He is a soothing force, he helps me calm down if I’m stressed or upset. No matter how far in life I may go, I know that Teddy will be there to remind me where I come from and encourage me to continue cherishing values like an adventure, compassion, and endurance. Despite his simple name, Teddy is more than just a brown teddy bear; he is my friend.